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What I'm Into (December)

What a month. Work, manic Christmas shopping, creche finishing up for the year, family gatherings, tragedies both far away and close to home, nanna's two funeral services. I'm not sure that I have much to offer in this space today but here's a few things that have given me pleasure in the midst of turmoil.

 

Read and Reading:

The Limpopo Academy of Private Detection Alexander McCall Smith

Minding Frankie Maeve Binchy

Caleb's Crossing: A Novel Geraldine Brooks

Sunshine on Scotland Street (44 Scotland Street 8) Alexander McCall Smith

The True History of the Black Adder: The Unadulterated Tale of the Creation of a Comedy Legend J. F. Roberts

Flight Behaviour Barbara Kingsolver

The last three were Christmas presents. I'm racing to finish them before receiving more for my birthday. I have a one week window every year!

 

TV:

The Vicar of Dibley Christmas specials. I rewatch them every year. This time with my youngest sister. We were paralytic with laughter and missed Anthony Callea opening Carols by Candlelight but it was so worth it. That's why youtube was invented anyway!

 

PS If only Channel 9 would've made the yuletide truly gay and given us a Tim Campbell/Anthony Callea duet. My dream. Really though, I probably couldn't stand the cuteness - Kurt/Blaine the early years times a million.

 

 

Call the Midwife. I got this on DVD for Christmas from the same lovely younger sister. I enjoyed it so much on the ABC. Already rewatching and joyfully introducing my mum to this wonderful series.

 

Movies:

Still nothing at the cinema. Am contemplating Les Miserables, mostly to spend three hours in turbo force air conditioning (Remember it's scorching hot summer in Australia!) However I will admit to finding the idea of Russell Crowe randomly bursting into song more than mildly terrifying.

 

Music:

No new discoveries this month. But of course there was Carols in the Domain (last performance by the original Wiggles ever!) and Carols by Candlelight (Hi-5's apparent Eurovision entry and santa's attempt at Gangnam style aside).

At the Christmas church service I attended there was a lovely male quintet rendition of O Holy Night and at nanna's second funeral service I had to stop singing along to The Old Rugged Cross to avoid sobbing all over the place. The soundtrack of our lives is an unexpected one.

Looking forward to reading what everybody else has been into this month. Link up with HopefulLeigh!

 

 

Silent grief?

It takes a long time to even think about writing some things down.

Today is a Sunday.

On a Monday I drove from work to stand by a hospital bed and brush my nanna's hair, cream her hands and feed her soup and custard. My sister and I kissed her soft, wrinkled cheeks and left her room. I looked back once to see my cousin, still dressed in work shirt and tie, satchel on the floor, sitting on the edge of the bed, leaning close.

On a Tuesday I waited and wandered the halls of the hospital while doctors worked behind closed doors. Curtains were drawn. Nurses bustled back and forth, in and out. I had to leave without seeing her again.

On a Wednesday the phone call came; nanna's gone.

On a Thursday I hugged my grandy close under a soft, grey early morning sky. His body felt frail and shaky, his eyes reddened, hollow, empty from weeping for the loss of the pair of brown eyes he'd looked into and loved for 70 years.

On a Friday very far away from here multiple shots fired and so many children cried in terror and a nation wept and a world raged in helpless horror.

Here in Australia we think we have all the answers to senseless massacres like this. Perhaps we do have some. Perhaps there are none. While life is consistently uncertain we know that death is certain. Whether it comes after just 6 years of play and wide eyed wonder or after more than 90 years of love and marriage and child rearing and hard work and devoted service and yes, some pain and loss, but mostly faith and family and deep joy.

On a Thursday my sister's friend lost parents in an unbelievably unexpected and tragic way.

On a Saturday I sat beside my mum for a beautiful Christmas service. We listened with focussed attention to a lovely rendition of O Holy Night, and sang along by turns joyfully and reverently to Hark the Herald Angels and Away in a Manger. It would have been my parents 38th wedding anniversary. Two days before marked 5 years my mum has lived out her days on earth without my dad.

Throughout this week there have been posts from some of my favourite bloggers, stories shared on facebook, twitter is peppered with links, there are e-mails in my inbox calling for silence, grief, prayer. 'Can we let the graves cool?' 'It's cynical and jaded and sarcastic to talk about gun control and mental health issues' 'Grieve with those who grieve'.

I certainly grieve with all these families right now. Eliot called April the cruelest month. For my family, and so many others, it is December. The most wonderful time of the year? Not so much. In the midst of celebration and new life there is still violence and loss. It is bitter and it is sweet like all other times of the year.

We grieve. Cry. Remember. But we also rage. We rage against that dying light whether it burns down ever so slowly like a long tapered candle melting naturally to nothing or whether it is snuffed out with brutal swiftness. Those parents, children, husbands, friends, siblings wanted a lifetime with their dear ones, taken from them by a gunman's bullets. My sister's friend must have imagined years left with parents whose lives ended suddenly, brutally, unecessarily. My mum was only halfway through her earthly life with her adored husband when cancer spread quickly through his body and death stopped the good, strong heart beating in it. My Grandy did have that lifetime and still longed for forever with his greatest love. Always it is too soon, always we feel cheated, always the loss is raw, ragged. And we rage.

 

What I'm Into - November

November has been a bit of an odd and stressful month. New babies, sick grandparents, last minute work changes, Norman the cat! So my 'What I'm Into' pickings are pretty slim. But since the lovely and wise Leigh Kramer is hosting a link up on her blog today I'm getting my act together and sharing what I've got.

 

Books:

I've kinda plowed through these:

11/22/63: A Novel by Stephen King

NW: A Novel by Zadie Smith

Unglued: Making Wise Choices in the Midst of Raw Emotions by Lysa TerKeurst

 

And when I was bored, dipped into some old favourites like these:

The Garden of Last Days: A Novel by Andre Dubus III

Testimony: A Novel by Anita Shreve

 

Yesterday I got a call from my friend Alison at The Well to say my book order had arrived, including these:

The Riders by Tim Winton

The Girl Most Likely by Rebecca Sparrow

So there goes my weekend!

 

TV:

The serious:

Homeland

 

The hilarious:

A Moody Christmas

 

I have never found a television representation of Christmas so familiar. This should concern me, but I'm laughing too hard!

 

Movies:

We kicked off the Christmas List early with Love Actually. The tacky Christmassy goodness to follow in December includes Elf, Home Alone, Miracle on 34th Street, etc.

At the cinema - feels like I haven't been to the movies in a decade but I would love to catch The Hobbit and The Perks of Being a Wallflower.

 

Music:

Pretty shameful in this department; mostly car radio. I do turn up the volume and sing along everytime for this one:

 

 

Food:

lots of yummy Thai food lately, especially from here. Just in case anyone reading this (not you, Neroli!) is from Perth.

Happy December everybody.

 

Five Friday Favourites

Some of the (online) highlights of my week:

 

This post from Kate Conner:

The Hidden Side of Parenting

 

This hilarious video from College Humor:

 

The last two minutes of this week's Hawaii 5.0:

 

Priceless! Anybody else really want to watch The Notebook?

 

This announcement from Mary Carver:

Write That Thing (and some announcements)

 

The One Day series from Hollywood Housewife. My favourites so far are from Sarah Bessey In which this is a Wednesday in my life, Lora Lynn My One Day and Megan Tietz A Day in the Life: the #onedayHH project

 

 

 

On Boxes and My Sister

Sunday afternoon. Friday Night Lights. Tea and biscuits. I realise this may sound like an odd combination, but for us Aussie girls watching a show about American football, that's just how we roll.

My sister, Neroli, rode her bike over to our house and we were standing at the gate at around 6 pm when her husband jogged by. Being the supportive wife that she is, Neroli thought she'd let Steve run on a little further before she breezed comfortably by him on her bicycle, waving smugly. So we stood by the gate, relishing the cool evening breeze coming off the river, and chatted.

We talked about her work and some restructuring and change that is coming. She talked about how much more or less work a new role would mean for her, and mentioned that, with her husband's business getting even busier, she could no longer get away with the long hours she has been doing up until now. Casually I asked if she would consider getting in some help at home, a contract cleaner or maid service.

"Absolutely not" was her immediate answer. She quickly qualified that there's nothing wrong with anyone wanting or needing to employ someone to clean/cook/babysit/walk dogs/whatever for them (she's right) but she would just really like to be able to keep tidying and organising and cleaning her house, herself.  She said, "when I was a little girl, I never wanted to be a CFO or an accountant or a manager, I just wanted to keep my own house some day."

My sister is one of the ultimate career gals. (She's reading this so I'll lay it on thick!) She holds a degree in commerce, she is a Chartered Accountant, she holds a position of responsibility that includes long hours and high pay. She's good at what she does and enjoys it, for the most part.

Her statement did not necessarily mean 'I would rather quit my job to be a wife and mother' although that is a perfectly valid choice, one that she also affirms.

What she said related to her childhood predilection for sorting, tidying, cleaning. She actually used to rearrange our mum's and our grandmother's tupperware drawers regularly. For fun. She could iron at age 8. She still irons. For pleasure. Yeah. I know. She loves to be queen of her domain, to organise it, care for it, do things her way.

Our conversation made me think about the boxes we women think we must fit into, and the labels we slap on.

If someone enjoys homemaking we often automatically label them a stay at home mum or work at home 'type'. We might assume they are more conservative, possibly submissive to their husbands, better suited to be mothers, more traditionally feminine.

I enjoy children and caring for them more than Neroli does, but she is a far better housekeeper than me. Her laundry, ironing, cleaning and baking skills far outstrip mine.

The 'homemaker' vs 'working woman' labels are two of many. One of my good friends practices co-sleeping and extended breastfeeding with her daughter, but is very pro-vaccination. Another friend is anti-vaccination but her parenting is very traditional in most other ways. Neither easily wears the so called 'attachment parent' label nor the 'free range parent' label.

Throughout her marriage my mum followed my dad to The Pilbara, to Pakistan, to the South West and back to Perth for his work and stayed at home with four children, even homeschooling at times. She is a deeply committed Christian and as conservative as they come. Yet she is against a move back towards traditional gender roles and submission in marriage (unless it's mutual!)

My younger sister subscribes to In Style and has always been much more interested in fashion, appearance, makeup, health and fitness than I am. Yet, contrary to stereotypes, I was the one who struggled with anorexia and negative body image for years.

There are so many more examples. Labels are easy. It's so much simpler to make assumptions, to jump to conclusions and to put people into boxes than it is to try and think outside of them. Those boxes are limiting, isolating, and more often than not, just plain wrong. I don't fit in a box. Neither do my sisters. Neither do my friends. Neither do you.

 

Five Friday Favourites

I've been a pretty slack arsed moll on the blog this week (Yes, Puberty Blues fans, I do know what it actually means - sorry about that.) Anyway, here's why: my best friend, Kirsty (the Sue to my Debbie), gave birth to her first child last night. Baby Jack is here at last; 9 months, 28 hours of labour and one caesarean-section later! There's also a new addition around here - a cat called Norman. His entry into the family was a tad less dramatic; but there was still poo and a lot of vacuuming involved. (Again, sorry.)

In between these two momentous events I still managed to do a little blog reading and here are a few of the gems I found on my travels around the web this week:

In the spirit of the week, how's this for a dramatic birth story?

This could be the birth story of the year

 

From Kristen Howerton at Rage Against the Minivan:

 @#$% people say to transracial families

In a word: Hilarious. But could also serve as a crash course in sensitivity training for some of us!

 

Cave woman from Hollywood Housewife

After that dreadful story out of New York about the nanny (prior to the awful destruction of hurricane Sandy) this one really hit a nerve for me. As always, great writing from Laura Tremaine.

 

I don't do The Races but in the lead up to Melbourne Cup, even if you just plan on watching at work with a paper cup of champers, I thought this was great advice for all!

Keeping it Nice at the Races from the incomparable Em Rusciano

 

With 'The New Normal' do we also have the new sexism? Such an interesting post on mamamia from Nath Valvo. 'No heterosexual behaviour is allowed in this club'

 Also check out another perspective from Adam Richard (that's "The Fabulous" to you!) Gay clubs are businesses, not community centres

 

Happy weekend everyone. I'm going to spend a significant portion of mine snuggling baby Jack.

 

 

 

 

Five Friday Favourites

Some great stuff around the web this week:

 

The catchiest way to teach your kids manners

I do listen to Ryan 'Fitzy' Fitzgerald on the radio sometimes but it was his unparalleled awesome Puberty Blues tweetage that made me a devoted fan. This little song he created and performed with his three year old son Hewie about manners is literally one of the most adorable things ever. I'm totally learning and teaching it. "All you say is please and sank 'oo!"

 

Take the Picture, Send the E-mail

From www.leighkramer.com a beautiful tribue from Leigh to her Aunt Sue. Poignant reflections on being present and the need to grieve a loved one's death before you can celebrate their life. 

 

I Dub Thee

I love this fantastic idea from Kate Conner. Have you knighted anyone lately?

 

Truth Bomb

The best blog posts are always truly honest. This one from Rosie Waterland, now published on www.mamamia.com.au and also featured on Ten Breakfast, is brutally so.

 

The Chains of Worry

Closer to my own experience. Exceptional piece of writing from Emily Wierenga. Courtesy of Amber Haines of www.therunamuck.com

 

 

 

 

 

Tuesday - Three Things I'm Into

This kind of post is so much fun, plus I have too many enthusiasms to only do it once a month. So, things I'm into this week:

Watching:

I Will Survive Finale

 

From Dubbo through Broken Hill, Cobar and Alice Springs, from Vegas to New York; this gorgeous, campy, nostalgic trip down Priscilla's tire treads has been a spot of sunshine in my week. It ends tonight. I loved each and every one of the boys and this confirmed non-crier gets a little misty each time one of them leaves. It's the group hugs that get me I swear, those damn group hugs!

There was a comment under one of the promos posted to youtube that called this "another anti-male show where the men are to be laughed at and patronized for the sake of female supremacy." For the love of Guy Pearce, what the what?! I Will Survive celebrates all kinds of men, older, younger, gay, straight, whatever, from AFL players, to miners, to Hi-5 members to costume designers and teachers. They are beautiful and brave and talented and they just bloody make me happy. Plus it's been worth watching for the weekly guest judges alone, including Toni Collette, Rachel Griffiths, Asher Keddie and more. I was surprised that Jason Donovan, once as boy-next-door as host, Hugh-Ben Rafter-Sheridan, was revealed as the bitchy judge, but tweeting my revengeful disdain of his critiques only added to the joy.

I doubt the ratings have been high enough to renew this series but if not I will make peace through the knowledge that Hugh Sheridan will just shoot back to Channel 7 and Packed to the Rafters. Because let's be honest, if there's one thing I need more on a Tuesday than I Will Survive it's Benny Rafter.

Reading:

Tim Winton's Cloudstreet  

I submit that no one has done more for West Australian literature than Tim Winton. 4 Miles Franklin Awards, twice shortlisted for The Booker Prize, 2 TV series adaptations, movies in the works from the likes of Simon Baker and Russell Crowe. Cloudstreet is a modern classic, as close to a perfect novel as it gets and every Australian should be forced to read it. Oh wait, yeah, they kind of are. Sorry high school sufferers. When it's voluntary it's awesome. I've lived in WA all my life but Winton makes me see familiar places, hear the sounds of home, smell, touch, taste, with new senses, practically breathe with new lungs. His fiction makes me proud(er) to be from Perth. After re-reading this week I've finally checked out some of the mini-series too. I knew the dramatic acting chops of cast members like Essie Davis and Todd Lasance but comic Stephen Curry is a revelation. Brilliant, faithful interpretation. Love, love, love.

 

(Australian TV Trailer)

 

  

(British TV Trailer)

 

Listening:

Kiwi band The Black Seeds album Into the Dojo is usually my cooking music (Breaking Bad fans will know why) This week I tried to convert it into driving music but tragically my new (read: inherited) car stereo ate it and won't cough it back up again. This song, One by One, is my personal favourite:

 

 

* This post contains affiliate links

 

 

 

Monday Musings - Board Games

I recently tweeted a confession that I was looking forward to a Friday evening routine consisting of a large mug of Ovaltine, me on the couch with a knitted blanket and some top British crime drama. If that wasn't enough to convince you that I am approaching my 85th birthday here's further evidence of my elderly state: my Saturday night involved a board games bonanza with my immediate and extended family which concluded by 10 pm.

* Trying to stay up past 11 turns me as mad as Miranda:

 

Couldn't find the "Midsomer Murders DVD! Werther's! Knitting!" clip but you get my point.

 Anyway . . . back to Saturday. We did go to a fancy restaurant on Verity's birthday, one where a  waiter drapes a serviette across your lap and another brings the bread, but this was actually my youngest sister's choice for her celebrations: board games and pizza . . . from pizza hut. Don't judge her. (We do.)

Random sidenote: my little sister has famously bad taste. Not only does she actually prefer pizza hut pizza, and once chose a cane furniture suite; when watching Hawaii 5.0 she thinks Danno is the cute one. During the last season of Offspring she was willing to give Adam a chance (I know!) and she refuses to acknowledge that Glee has gotten way worse with time. Case dismissed.

You learn a lot about people when you play board games together. (Also mini golf but that's a topic for another day.) During several rounds of Who Wants to be a Millionaire my uncle was revealed as a trivia genius - I (and my aunty) am delighted by how much this perturbs my cousins who would prefer to believe they are the smart ones.  

Our monopoly match was short lived and almost sickeningly cordial. Not a patch on the most memorable and lengthy game of monopoly ever played; with my friends Kirsty and Josh and Josh's boyfriend at the time, Vlad. While Josh and I joked around, drank wine and effectively distracted each other, Kirsty and Vlad engaged in an epic real estate battle, manically buying up expensive properties and peppering them with hotels, joyously collecting rent from the unfortunates who landed on their loaded up Park Lanes and Leicester Squares. Previously I might have called these two nice and easy going, but their ruthless, competitive colours sure shone through that night.

Meanwhile I found my own true calling on Saturday: Scruples. Although there is some luck involved this game pretty much comes down to judging character. I know my brother-in-law is fairly heartless, my younger sister is a pushover, and mum's morals will go to whomever asks first. I do love a game that allows me to use this knowledge to plot their downfall.

 

Finally, people who spend games night playing on their i-phones are the worst! And may or may not get food thrown at them.

Hope everyone had a more exciting weekend than I did. :)

 

Five Friday Faves

Here's 5 favourites from my recent reading around the web:

Just Keep Swimming from Mary Carver at www.givinguponperfect.com for anyone who struggles with negative talk to or about themselves. That's you? Oh good, me too.

Confessions of an emotional eater by Rebecca Sparrow, this great piece explores why food can be the addiction of choice for women.

Party mum by the divine Em Rusciano. "I'm a person first and a mum second." This may be controversial, and your night off/out might not look exactly like Em's but I love her thoughts on putting your identity before your role. 

The 10 Best Fictional Boyfriends Just for fun. I bags numbers 4, 6 and 9. Not that I'm greedy! How about you?

7 Things to Do When You're Feeling Sad from Addie Zierman at www.howtotalkevangelical.com The best thing to happen to me since joining twitter was discovering Addie Zierman's writing. This one's another gem.

Have a great weekend.